Advent Day 10: The Valley of the Shadow

They wheeled me down the hospital corridors the evening after my c-section to the bay area where our newborn son was being prepared for transfer to the Children’s Hospital across town. I had seen him for a second after delivery, held above the sheet that blocked our view of my internal organs, red and angryContinue reading “Advent Day 10: The Valley of the Shadow”

Advent Day 8: Armed with Strength

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. Psalm 18:32 Outside the doctor’s office after we learned of our first miscarriage, our first heavy loss as a couple, Brandon held me close. Weather is unmoved by emotions; the cloudless sky shone bright and blue above, the asphalt radiating with summerContinue reading “Advent Day 8: Armed with Strength”

Advent Day 6: Do Not Be Afraid

The day of my mom’s biopsy, after hearing what the doctor thought they found, I handed over my valet ticket and filled the waiting time with Google statistics and life expectancies. I felt my face hollow out and droop. I thanked the driver, ever forgetful about the tip, and drove, sobs and a faucet ofContinue reading “Advent Day 6: Do Not Be Afraid”

Advent Day 5: The Earth Is Filled

I try to find one thing of marvel every morning on my way to work. Once you start this habit it isn’t easy to break; the earth brims over with beauty, from the early crisp air frosting blades of grass to fallen leaves on water, even the man-made architecture mirrors the majesty of my surroundingsContinue reading “Advent Day 5: The Earth Is Filled”

Advent Day 4: Ghosts of Christmases Past

  As the colored lights twinkled on the tree, the gifts were exchanged with Grandpa’s perfect scripted “Santa” on the labels to each of his seven children and their spouses and their children. Each of us cousins sat in our Christmas best, holiday dressed, lined up on the davenport with a pile of unopened presents inContinue reading “Advent Day 4: Ghosts of Christmases Past”

Advent Day 3: Find Bright

I’ve been writing these advent posts knowing my mom will be in treatments for a cancer that is near impossible to cure and a hard one to fight throughout this advent season. There is a child who cries loudly across the hall from my mom’s room where she waits for her next dose and theContinue reading “Advent Day 3: Find Bright”

Advent Day 2: The Advocate

  We recently got a new puppy, Isabelle (Izzy for short), a schnauzer/westie mix that weighs just over six pounds right now, a white, wiry haired, wriggling little girl who is the size of a cat with the tendencies of a canine. When I open the utility room door in the morning, she cannons outContinue reading “Advent Day 2: The Advocate”

Advent Day 1: God With Us

Today begins the first of a series of advent posts that consider the coming of Emmanuel, God with us, and what that means to those of us who came over 2,000 years after the Son of God was born in Bethlehem. In one of my favorite Hollywood prayers, Ricky Bobby begins his family meal, “DearContinue reading “Advent Day 1: God With Us”

Facing the Waves

Thursday we learned about my mom’s treatment options. Saturday I attended a funeral for a former colleague. Then another gun violence story in my news feed. Then another friend’s friend’s diagnosis. Then France. One time at the ocean I wanted to get beyond the breaking waves to where the water rolls, deep and even. The waves swelled andContinue reading “Facing the Waves”

Damaged Goods

Let’s talk about sex. Ba-by. My Kindle essay, “The Valley of Achor,” is about obsession, infatuation, and love.  It is about sex and faith and God and mercy and redemption.  I have thought so much about these things ever since I prayed at 18 that whatever was causing my period to be two weeks late wouldContinue reading “Damaged Goods”