Tomorrow, I head out to Chicago for the AWP Conference, and to prepare for the adventure, I spent all evening playing ring around the rosie, duck duck goose, reading books and coloring, giving baths, singing, and praying with my children. Could there be better preparations for going away?
I wrote over on Finding Gemstones about the latest in my world of child bearing. The last you probably heard from me about the topic was “no more, I think I’m done.” Well, it must be baby season because I’ve caught the fever. I don’t know what really put me over the edge, but tonight as I was watching my babes swimming in the tub a thought occurred to me: I may regret not having more children, but I would never regret having more children.
Which is why I need to get to work on my husband, and by that I mean not nagging and begging and using all sorts of persuasive reasoning but praying that God would soften his heart to the idea. No negotiations on my part are going to make him feel one way or the other about this.
SO that’s brewing in my mind lately, and once it starts to brew, I can’t seem to shut it off. I start calculating the timing of a pregnancy in relation to work (pregnant now = very good timing; pregnant in July = worst timing ever, pregnant in December = good timing). I begin fiddling with formulas of Lydia in preschool + Brandon in seminary – Elvis at home + Elvis potty-trained – working full-time + budget = realistic expectations for maintaining sanity. We come out somewhere around a 40% chance of insanity, which isn’t so bad – we’re already insane about that amount of time, so what’s the big difference? I also start rearranging bedrooms in my mind – would we make Lydia’s room a baby room and move her into Elvis’s room, or would the baby (boy/girl) move in with big brother/sister depending on the gender?
All of this doesn’t matter because I’m not pregnant, and I don’t have a family consensus on the topic, but this is how my mind works, people! Do you see how completely crazy I am underneath this facade of composure?
I’m not sure what my Internet capabilities will be the remainder of the week in Chicago, though I might request Internet service in my room, since it could be applied as part of the conference expense. We are, after all, in the middle of admissions season. I can’t leave people hanging high and dry for five days straight. Right? So I’ll probably poke back in with an AWP update. Have a great night!